I know and i get it but...

I know they are concerned and i know they are worried about me walking down the same path again. I know and i understand. Because i myself is afraid too. And i know that letting go is gonna hurt badly when the time comes. But you know wad, i dont care bout the hurting part cos what else can hurt more after *d case? All i need are some crying shoulders and listening ears when the time come. And for now, just wish me the best and yeah. thats all i need. They need to understand that they cant protect me from this forever..

Independent as i can be, i still do crave being dependent on someone.

And fyi. I am me, i am Jessamine Then Pei Wen, i am no her. So for god sake.. just stop.

Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was never ending Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it Wouldn't it be nice

Good night my baby
Sleep tight my baby

Unless he's all yours, he's still hers.

Occasionally, or rather frequently, I find it so hard to look at him in the eyes, knowing that he looked at her with those same eyes, same smile. And everything he say to me and the way he kisses me... he did the same with her.

It's just that I really let myself fall for him...which was stupid, because I knew the outcome. After all, its too much pain to love a man you have to share. When people ask me what I see in him, I don't know what to tell them, cause honestly: I don't know. He just makes me want to lose myself in his arms, its magical.

He is something between a miracle and an impossible. And for once, i wan to witness a miracle.

Under all the glitz and glamor, im still a simple girl looking for love.

"It’s easy to get caught up in the details and not see the light at the end of the tunnel."

Time and again, i allow my emotions to overpower my mind even when people around me who really do care are constantly reminding that i should leave the situation that will eventually bring me pain, but i choose not to listen to anyone. Many people have told me ""it is easier said than done." I don't think so! When we are in any situation where we can see no apparent opportunity of growth in that relationship, but we choose to stay anyway even though we are being hurt in the process..

oxymoron? Idk

Maybe its due to past experiences, I think that I now am afraid of being love or loving someone.
I'm insecure, cold, and afraid of happiness, sometimes I think i deserve so much more. I once joked to my friends that I only date assholes, and need "a guy that will hit back".

The parents' broken r/s destroyed me.. therefore I am condemned to a life with terrible r/s.

Moving on

...is hard. Even if it's a lost cause, even if there's nothing you can do to salvage the situation, for some reason it's next to impossible to just leave everything behind and start afresh. So what if the bad outshines the good? There's still that little something that's making you cling onto the past for dear life.

2 yrs to move on from my past. what about now? Same triangle, same feeling, same pain.

I once told my friend, *d will always have a part of my heart. even 10 or 50 yrs down to road. Question is can one truly move on?

Into each life some rain must fall.

The better you learn to take care of yourself, the less you settle for being around people who can’t or won’t treat you as well as you’re accustomed.

The past is still haunting.

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you, how cute you look when you smile, how much I love your laugh. I daydream about you off & on, replaying pieces of our conversation, laughing at funny things that you said or did. I've memorized your face and the way that you look at me. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine.

But at the end of the day, love is all about taking the leap of faith isnt it?

What an awesome weekend!

A quality amount was shared with my all my beloved. Sometime its really the quality and not the quantity tt matters.

I realized that im becoming very picky with food=( TSK

Speechless

False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade.

Happy times and bygone days are lost.

You Fall for the Sensitive and Romantic Type

You are a bit of an idealist when it comes to love, and you want to be with a partner who appreciates romance as much as you do. You know you've found your soulmate when you're with someone you'd die for. You believe in sacrificing everything for true love, if necessary.

A simple "I miss you," kiss, or even look can sweep you off your feet. You tend to get lost in the moment. You believe in happy endings, and you're looking for a prince or princess willing to ride off into the sunset with you.

u tell me la, how?!

The signs

1. i save all his smses
2. i grin like an idiot when he smses me while overseas
   
3. i tell him i misses him
4. i forced him to make the time stop so tt we can forever stay tt way(im corny lyk tt k!)
5. he listen attentively to my 2 hrs of crap when im high on alcohol
6. he is rather cute
7. we knew each less than 2 weeks
8. i wishes him a happy 1 weekiversary.(now, stop laughing)
   
9. he has a clean reputation, supposedly ok i think im wrong bout this.
   
10. he is tall( HAHHAHAHHA!!!! this is important ok!)
    

What does this mean? I dunno, i have forgotten how the L word feels like, looks like, sounds like.

TGIF-ed

I think i am still paying for wad i drank on friday night=( terrible headache.

Let me break it down what exactly happened on friday. Tons of beer at the hawker, wala wala, follow by absinthe which was a big mistake, however the biggest mistake was was asking a friend for a drink. Because a drink turns out to be bottle. The rest was bits and pieces of memories. Like talking way too much, giving out real mobile no. and lastly giving drunk calls. HAHAHAHA.

i have this bad habit of drunk calling/smsing thus i have also master the art of emptying all my msges before i beat myself up the next day.

But sometimes, i think being drunk gave u an excuse to do/say things tt u will not do. Alcohol makes u brave, not stupid. it gives u the courage to do things tt u dont dare to yet want to when u r sane. get it?

2 more weeks till he is back!

In loving memories...

2 cases of suicide within 2 months.

It kinda hit me. The first one was Ethan, someone from work, we weren't exactly friends, more like acquaintance. He wasn't exactly the nicest guy and i wasnt exactly fond of him either. however deep inside him, was a sad untold past. In which we only found out after his death.

The second one was someone from TP, Melissah Toh. Ok, i dont know her, not at all. I was told that it was due to a failed r/s. Im sure there is a story behind her case too, just like every other suicide case. She is so young, so much more to accomplish in her life. Its a pity, really a pity.

Contrary to how the two simple words "commit suicide" sound, it takes more than just courage to end one's life. The struggle and the emotion running thru before the final plunge. The lose of hope, the feeling of emptiness and the loneliness.

May they rest in peace.

Expectations.

So, recently friends ard me have been giving me the "u-kinda-rlly-need-a-bf" actions. Im not too sure if its working. I mean, sure i do want a bf. But not just ANY bf. Idk, sometimes i think that my expectations are too high. arughh. i dunno!!!! and im shy. YES, Jess is very shy with guys.

Anyway, i was rlly bored. thus i came up with a list of like hmm my bf expections.

1. A Sense of humor- I goof around alot. I love to laugh and I need my someone who is able to make me laugh and laugh with me.

2. Virtues Character- Honest, strong morals and filial. C mon, this is like the basic!!

3. Responsible- Independent and know to take care of things without me having to nag him.

4. Rational- Mature, logical thinking, not act on impulse or argue like a child. There's a fine line between child-like and childish.

5. Sensitive- Im quite the emo person. I think too much for my own good, he need to know how to handle the situation without hurting my feelings.

6. Sporting- Im a veryyy adventurous person. Im pretty reckless and daring. Pretty much of a no regrets kinda person. So i will rlly appreciate if he will follow suit.

Of cos, i will be lying if i saying looks and money dont matter. They sure does matter, but they are only like bonuses if u get what i mean.

So yeah, thats about it=)

Something amazing.

My career is taking a little turn right now. After almost a year, I've came to realize that this is not quite what i wanna do. Maybe its the unhappiness, maybe its the doubting from people, maybe its just not me or maybe its all of the them. They can say whatever they want, whatever they like. Because at the end of the day, i know that they are just trying to make themselves feel better.

And because i know that something amazing is waiting for me on the other side.

Cheers~