goodbye singapore and hello philipine

see you when I'm back on nye:)

Honey, dont throw stone. n dont push ur luck.

Cos i cant control wad others say.. but at least i know i can control how i react(or dont react) and feel about them. She can say whadever she like, as the saying goes "People who live in glass houses should not throw stones".

and well, im damn sure im not gonna become a victim of this kind of stupidity, childish and small-mindedness.

最近

你想要的我却不能够给你我全部；
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的

Not exactly a fan of chinese music. But i happened to chance upon this song(i think its quite an old song alrdy) on youtube recently, and have been hooked ever since. The lyrics are so straight to the heart, so true, so meaningful.

But ultimately, thanks for being there when im.. Ermm.. Hiding in the toilet:x

The simplest thing.

The most ridiculously long yet extremely enjoyable conversation about the most random things imaginable=D

Im back(sorta)

I know, i know. I have been missing in action and well. Truth to be told, i have been trying to find myself back. Not the party me. I really had a hard time figuring out where to go(aside from zouk). Then after last weekend, i realized. It doesnt exactly matter where one go, for what matters is the company! For instance, last fri. I met up with this poly friend of mine. we went for chinese food followed by some chill out session at wala. I was home by midnight! As for sat, i stayed home the entire day. Yet i wasnt bored, and yes not at all. We talked, from 10pm to 7am the next day. Other than feeling friggin tired, i was happy.

All i can say is that things are kinda taking its turn. "Whatever happen, happens for a reason" so im gonna just go with the flow and maybe ride on the wave.

& be thankful for what I've got. also to lose the weight tt i've gained. MUAHAHHAHAA...

=D

WOW..

Forget the past that made you cry and start focusing on the phuture(sorry i cant help it)future that make you smile.

And oh! My Mobile bill for the month of Oct came up to $168.. yeahh, how auspicious NOT. Who the hell did i even text.. seriously...

Wont stop, cant stop

And despite it all, he still mean the world to her, she just kept it all in her. But deep inside, she will drop everything just to be by his side. She will go all out to brighten his day, even if she can't even brighten her own.

She never stopped loving him, she just temporarily stopped showing it.

Sick n bored

Unwell

Awesome, at this critical make it or break it point of time. My body is down. Fever, running nose and the main culprit, tonsillitis. What a pain in the ass and damn!

Dr Lucas, here i come!

Cause life's too short to dwell on the unchangeable.

Life is full of disappointments and people you trusted will sooner or later let you down. I've learned that often those you love will love someone else and there's only one way to fall. Often fast and hard. I've learned that everything can change in a blink of eye and tears often come involuntarily. I've learned crying can make us stronger and there is can never be too much love to go around. Lastly, I've found that every time you give someone a piece of your heart, it's a piece that you will never get back.

I dunno when and I dunno how. But i know that we won't ever really be close again and someday, you and i will stop talking. And eventually, we will grow apart. Im not giving up, Im just accepting tt things just werent meant to be or supposed to be. I have reached a point where im tired of chasing and trying to fix things.

I really never wanted to leave, but you have never ever gave me a reason to stay.

A promise is a comfort for a fool

I have came to realize that u r just a guy, a special one maybe, but u r not mine at the end of the day. and i dont need to do things to make u love me again. cos if u wanted to, u would. Maybe this time.. we r really going back to our lives, separate from each other. And maybe one day when you see me, when I see you, we will pretend we dont know that at one time we were lovers.

You've clearly made your point when u chose partying instead of spending my 21st bday w me. You know what is the funny part? The girl wasnt the one who changed this time, the guy did.

And this is prove.

Busy weekend

Suffering from the cough of the yr=(( Nonetheless it didnt quite affect the weekend activities. Velvet on fri, was half smashed. belated bday celebration w Briana jie jie n Ron kor kor on sat! "Takers" w ivan and Ipuddo ramen-ed with the besties couple(Morv n Aud) on sunday.

Thanks Ron n Briana jie for the red packet.. many thanks and much appreciated=) And Paul smith perfume is my new love=) Thank u besties<3

*cough cough cough cough x infinity

White lie

noun. An often trivial, diplomatic or well-intentioned untruthful statement, often with the further intention to maintain a secret or reputation, protect someone's feelings.

Love is all we need

Ok, my birthday is officially over. Had a blast for my 21st! Thanks everyone who really make the effort to make the whole celebration works.

Now i present you my fav ppl(my gf, my bffs, my confidants) on the planet:

Baby Audrey.

My three girls=)

Morven and my fav aunt!!!!!!!

and so i miss.

I miss having u lie next to me
I miss slping in ur arms
I miss how you like to play and smell my hair
I miss hw u hold my hands whn we cross the road
I miss hw u roll ur eyes at me when i do silly things
I miss the instant noodle tt you cook
I miss how u complain about my blanket kicking habit

Lastly, i think i rlly misses u. x

Wishlist

I can easily write a full list of things that i want for my bday. But again, wad i rlly need is happiness.

Where do i go from here?

Achy, stuffed up and feeling feverish.

I wan to eat mooncakes, play w lantern and burn trees down. HAHAHA.. weird i know, but thats what i always do with my second brother when we were young.

I dont wan my birthday to reach. I hate birthdays. All I wan to do is to stay in my room and wish myself a not so happy happy bdae when the clock strikes twelve. then go to bed.

***mooncakes from Goodwood Park is AWESOME=S
***i wan to slp cos im tired, sad and all the wad not.

I miss you, the old you.

So if I have to cross you out, I want you to know that in the end, it wasn't because I stopped caring and stop trying, it's because you stopped being a trustworthy/non-backstabbing friend.

I chose to give u the benefit of doubt and u blew it off. Well, disappointment is a bitch and thats all im gonna say.

A bottomless pit of misery

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle;
Be sensitive, for harsh words cut in deep.

Perception is tt im always happy/crazy/funny, and that im good at what I do, but what they dunno is, im a freaking god damn good actress too who managed to fool everyone into believing that im all okay. Fact is tt im always one step away from the edge.

So maybe, one day, just one day. I will be able to fool myself into believing that im really the happy, crazy, funny me.

&& here's a tupperware since you love screwing leftovers

Marina Bay Sands

♥♥♥

Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds

If you see me walking with someone else, It's not because I like his company It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.-Ally Mcbeal

Are you brave enough?

Day 22

Sometimes the time comes along when it's time: Time to move on. You'll still be there in everything that I do, and wherever I go I'll remember you- Leann Rimes, leaving's not leaving

When you love someone, you'll do anything and everything you can to keep them with you. Until one day when you realize that theres no way to go back to the past when things were the way they were before, step back and its time to let go.

Sometimes, being friends are rlly better than lovers.

Nickleback- If today was your last day

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

Fever=(

But this is not the end. Im gonna bounce back. Just watch me.

Best friends, thanks for everything.

Not again.

I totally top the chart for losing things in the club.

And this time, with a hefty price tag. I am just that lucky that the cash deposit machine was down and i couldnt deposit my pay.. so my pay, plus my friend's camera.. 2k? good game jess, good game.

Bottom line is. Im stopping clubbing. And dad is implementing the 2359 on me=S

Thanks for being there .

王力宏 - 你不知道的事

蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像 倾盆大雨
碎了满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 但你坠落之际
很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像 倾盆大雨
碎了满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
我飞行 但你坠落之际
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像 倾盆大雨
碎了满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心
多的是 你不知道的事
盘旋在你看不见的高空里

Thankful.

Thanks for being there when i really need someone to talk to. Thanks for getting me ice cream cos u knew that i was really down. Thanks for acting like a clown just to make me laugh. I know i have always been nasty to you, scolding you like no others but thanks for being my best brother in the whole wide world, Jeffrey Then=)

And sweetie s, I hope i can find a way to ease your pain, to help you deal with whatever you are going thru right now.

Nobody says its going to be easy, but i will be here with you.

That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.

Cos I miss the old happy me. And sooooooo.... Im bringing the happy me back *Dance ard in circle and touch my toes=)

Random

Its funny how you are still able to make me nervous=S

Words without action are meaningless.

Maybe i just need something to happen, a sign that things are going to change(for better or for worse). i need a reason to go on, to fight on. i need some bloody hope to cling on to! i was fighting hard against all the odds.

Then i thought, just for a millisecond, I thought.. wads the point when im doing it all alone.

Crossroad

With a choice to make and no guarantee where the road leads.

But I will not know where the road will lead until I take it. There is no guarantee the choices will lead to happiness because somethings are just beyond my control.

People who are meant to be together always find a way to each other. so yes. PEACE OUT=)

Gone bad

My intention was good, im sure. However, it backfired. It really did.

Now what?

"Its not that i dont trust you, but its your heart tat i dont trust"
"But isn't that what you signed up for"

And that's what my friends been telling me. As much as i wan to deny it, its true in every possible way. Most of the time I try my very best to not ask question that i already know the answer, but sometimes, even the mere 0.01% gives me hope, gives me a reason to stay and a reason to fight on.

I know exactly wat shit im getting myself into, but maybe im used to the pain r/s brings me. It makes me feel alive and not dead.

"You love the heart that hurts you, hurt the heart that loves you", cliche yet so true.

Perfectly imperfect.

I'm just me. Faults, shortcomings, AND all the good things.

The more you expect, the more disappointed you will be.

The higher you aim, the higher the fall, which is why I try not to aim very high, or expect a lot, because I know that chances are I'm simply going to be disappointed.

The bottom line is, always expect the worse and you will not never be disappointed.

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You try to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

because sometimes hearts are broken by words left unspoken

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heart beat, or will stay awake to watch you sleep, wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you’re just in t shirt n shorts, who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who thinks that you’re just as pretty without make-up on, one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you…The one who turns to his friends with a smile and says, “She’s the one!”

All I want is just one guy, to prove that they’re not all the same. Someone to change my perception of love, someone to prove me that happy ending do exist. Strong as i can look, naive i am.

Dont look back, you're not going that way.

A friend of mine pasted me this link. And its pretty good. Everything it says, touches every corner of my heart. Do take a look, u will not regret.

u can have all the people in the world, and still feel empty

My gastric pain is excruciating. But deep inside me i was wondering tt maybe i like this pain. Maybe i wanted it this way. Because without this pain, i wouldnt feel real, wouldnt feel alive.

A very unusual, absurd feeling.

Have you ever been surrounded by a lot of people and yet you still feel lonely? I have and it was not a good feeling to be in. Im better these days, but once a while, the feeling comes back. Thats when i get all cranky and sensitive=(

Or maybe its just me pms-ing? Its a little too early to be pms-ing thou.

Good sunday.

Despite some gastric issue, it was a awesome sunday. Esp since I had all my fav food, all in one day.

1.)Dipping ramen
2.)Cheesecake
3.)Foie Gras sandwiches
4.)Strawberry shaved ice
5.)Nachos

Met up with damien n anna. Forced damien to speak in our native singaporean language and scolding hokkien vulgarities in his british accent. pure bitchiness.

To my lovely stephy and all my fav girls=)

Because every relationship could end tomorrow. This in no way means that it isnt good for as long as it does last, does it? What im trying to say, is that love is a risk and its something thats usually worth taking. Or at least thats my mantra.

I believe that any thing could happen at any moment thus i always do my best to live each day to its bestest, just so I can go to sleep with no regrets just in case I don’t wake up tomorrow, thats fine because at least i will have enjoyed life to the best.

Enjoy your relationship, while you still have it! Protect yourself the best you can, but once that urge to love is there, and you have a good guy to love you back, don’t hold back, give it your all. Love with no regrets.

Impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did
And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did
And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know
Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love is worst
Empty promises will wear
I know (i know)
And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

My Fav

Have you ever met someone and wish "if only i met them earlier". However, come to think about it, IF you met him/her earlier, things might not be the same.


Audrey, my fav girl. My favouritest of them all.


Morven, my fav girl's guy. And my fav guy too=)

And together they make my topsy turvy world straight. They keeps me sane, keep me in place and tell me things that i hate. Yet i know that they will be there to catch me, if i fall.

I love them=)

Half empty or half full?

I agree that optimism can be rlly great and it often results in a happier life, in most situation that is. Cause basically being an optimistic nature also gives more positive reactions by others. But in other cases you also have to calculate with the worst case. It can be confusing at first. Or at least i was confused with the whole half empty half full therory. But i realized that if one look at it from a completely different direction. Is it always a bad thing to see the glass as half empty? Not so. Suppose such a perception motivates you to fill the glass whereas seeing it as half full leads to complacency. Focusing on the lack in one's life can sometimes be a driving force for success. 想通了!!!!

Can my monday get any crappier?

At this very moment, im bawling my eyes out=( i seem to always managed to screw even the bestest thing up. everything, anything, anywhere and anytime. Maybe like wad i was told today, i rlly do not have common sense. And maybe, im a letdown too.

Good job Jess. U sure got an A in screwing things up. U surely deserve everything that happen today.

3 months and 17 days.

This shall be my 21st birthday "cakes"=)

And the color theme will be black, preferably not more than 10 attendees. Im still on a lookout for an elegant yet casual dining restaurant, a private room will be a plus. But most importantly, THEY MUST HAVE MY DESIGNATED CUPCAKES!

For those who know me will prolly know that i dont fancy big party, a cozy small gathering is what i prefer.

*STRICTLY no sex toy for present as i had that for my 18th bdae if you haven alrdy know.

Cranky

Throbbing headache, fainting spell, cold sweating and period cramps, the most AWESOME combination! Appetite level is practically non existing=(

So im not exactly in the best mood to entertain.

I know and i get it but...

I know they are concerned and i know they are worried about me walking down the same path again. I know and i understand. Because i myself is afraid too. And i know that letting go is gonna hurt badly when the time comes. But you know wad, i dont care bout the hurting part cos what else can hurt more after *d case? All i need are some crying shoulders and listening ears when the time come. And for now, just wish me the best and yeah. thats all i need. They need to understand that they cant protect me from this forever..

Independent as i can be, i still do crave being dependent on someone.

And fyi. I am me, i am Jessamine Then Pei Wen, i am no her. So for god sake.. just stop.

Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was never ending Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it Wouldn't it be nice

Good night my baby
Sleep tight my baby

Unless he's all yours, he's still hers.

Occasionally, or rather frequently, I find it so hard to look at him in the eyes, knowing that he looked at her with those same eyes, same smile. And everything he say to me and the way he kisses me... he did the same with her.

It's just that I really let myself fall for him...which was stupid, because I knew the outcome. After all, its too much pain to love a man you have to share. When people ask me what I see in him, I don't know what to tell them, cause honestly: I don't know. He just makes me want to lose myself in his arms, its magical.

He is something between a miracle and an impossible. And for once, i wan to witness a miracle.

Under all the glitz and glamor, im still a simple girl looking for love.

"It’s easy to get caught up in the details and not see the light at the end of the tunnel."

Time and again, i allow my emotions to overpower my mind even when people around me who really do care are constantly reminding that i should leave the situation that will eventually bring me pain, but i choose not to listen to anyone. Many people have told me ""it is easier said than done." I don't think so! When we are in any situation where we can see no apparent opportunity of growth in that relationship, but we choose to stay anyway even though we are being hurt in the process..

oxymoron? Idk

Maybe its due to past experiences, I think that I now am afraid of being love or loving someone.
I'm insecure, cold, and afraid of happiness, sometimes I think i deserve so much more. I once joked to my friends that I only date assholes, and need "a guy that will hit back".

The parents' broken r/s destroyed me.. therefore I am condemned to a life with terrible r/s.

Moving on

...is hard. Even if it's a lost cause, even if there's nothing you can do to salvage the situation, for some reason it's next to impossible to just leave everything behind and start afresh. So what if the bad outshines the good? There's still that little something that's making you cling onto the past for dear life.

2 yrs to move on from my past. what about now? Same triangle, same feeling, same pain.

I once told my friend, *d will always have a part of my heart. even 10 or 50 yrs down to road. Question is can one truly move on?

Into each life some rain must fall.

The better you learn to take care of yourself, the less you settle for being around people who can’t or won’t treat you as well as you’re accustomed.

The past is still haunting.

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you, how cute you look when you smile, how much I love your laugh. I daydream about you off & on, replaying pieces of our conversation, laughing at funny things that you said or did. I've memorized your face and the way that you look at me. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine.

But at the end of the day, love is all about taking the leap of faith isnt it?

What an awesome weekend!

A quality amount was shared with my all my beloved. Sometime its really the quality and not the quantity tt matters.

I realized that im becoming very picky with food=( TSK

Speechless

False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade.

Happy times and bygone days are lost.

You Fall for the Sensitive and Romantic Type

You are a bit of an idealist when it comes to love, and you want to be with a partner who appreciates romance as much as you do. You know you've found your soulmate when you're with someone you'd die for. You believe in sacrificing everything for true love, if necessary.

A simple "I miss you," kiss, or even look can sweep you off your feet. You tend to get lost in the moment. You believe in happy endings, and you're looking for a prince or princess willing to ride off into the sunset with you.

u tell me la, how?!

The signs

1. i save all his smses
2. i grin like an idiot when he smses me while overseas
   
3. i tell him i misses him
4. i forced him to make the time stop so tt we can forever stay tt way(im corny lyk tt k!)
5. he listen attentively to my 2 hrs of crap when im high on alcohol
6. he is rather cute
7. we knew each less than 2 weeks
8. i wishes him a happy 1 weekiversary.(now, stop laughing)
   
9. he has a clean reputation, supposedly ok i think im wrong bout this.
   
10. he is tall( HAHHAHAHHA!!!! this is important ok!)
    

What does this mean? I dunno, i have forgotten how the L word feels like, looks like, sounds like.

TGIF-ed

I think i am still paying for wad i drank on friday night=( terrible headache.

Let me break it down what exactly happened on friday. Tons of beer at the hawker, wala wala, follow by absinthe which was a big mistake, however the biggest mistake was was asking a friend for a drink. Because a drink turns out to be bottle. The rest was bits and pieces of memories. Like talking way too much, giving out real mobile no. and lastly giving drunk calls. HAHAHAHA.

i have this bad habit of drunk calling/smsing thus i have also master the art of emptying all my msges before i beat myself up the next day.

But sometimes, i think being drunk gave u an excuse to do/say things tt u will not do. Alcohol makes u brave, not stupid. it gives u the courage to do things tt u dont dare to yet want to when u r sane. get it?

2 more weeks till he is back!

In loving memories...

2 cases of suicide within 2 months.

It kinda hit me. The first one was Ethan, someone from work, we weren't exactly friends, more like acquaintance. He wasn't exactly the nicest guy and i wasnt exactly fond of him either. however deep inside him, was a sad untold past. In which we only found out after his death.

The second one was someone from TP, Melissah Toh. Ok, i dont know her, not at all. I was told that it was due to a failed r/s. Im sure there is a story behind her case too, just like every other suicide case. She is so young, so much more to accomplish in her life. Its a pity, really a pity.

Contrary to how the two simple words "commit suicide" sound, it takes more than just courage to end one's life. The struggle and the emotion running thru before the final plunge. The lose of hope, the feeling of emptiness and the loneliness.

May they rest in peace.

Expectations.

So, recently friends ard me have been giving me the "u-kinda-rlly-need-a-bf" actions. Im not too sure if its working. I mean, sure i do want a bf. But not just ANY bf. Idk, sometimes i think that my expectations are too high. arughh. i dunno!!!! and im shy. YES, Jess is very shy with guys.

Anyway, i was rlly bored. thus i came up with a list of like hmm my bf expections.

1. A Sense of humor- I goof around alot. I love to laugh and I need my someone who is able to make me laugh and laugh with me.

2. Virtues Character- Honest, strong morals and filial. C mon, this is like the basic!!

3. Responsible- Independent and know to take care of things without me having to nag him.

4. Rational- Mature, logical thinking, not act on impulse or argue like a child. There's a fine line between child-like and childish.

5. Sensitive- Im quite the emo person. I think too much for my own good, he need to know how to handle the situation without hurting my feelings.

6. Sporting- Im a veryyy adventurous person. Im pretty reckless and daring. Pretty much of a no regrets kinda person. So i will rlly appreciate if he will follow suit.

Of cos, i will be lying if i saying looks and money dont matter. They sure does matter, but they are only like bonuses if u get what i mean.

So yeah, thats about it=)

Something amazing.

My career is taking a little turn right now. After almost a year, I've came to realize that this is not quite what i wanna do. Maybe its the unhappiness, maybe its the doubting from people, maybe its just not me or maybe its all of the them. They can say whatever they want, whatever they like. Because at the end of the day, i know that they are just trying to make themselves feel better.

And because i know that something amazing is waiting for me on the other side.

Cheers~

If repeition is the key

I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics I will finish my antibiotics

And unless i wish to lose my tooth, I MUST FINISH THE FULL COURSE OF THE ANTIBIOTICS.

Surgery is a bitch, my gum hurt like *&^%%*. On the other hand, my fever have subsided. and yes, all the migraine and fever were the symptoms of the gum infection which i happily tried to ignore=X

Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free

to realize the prisoner was you.....

Lost touch with life

I traded in once colorful dream for a pay, I dont think its worth it anymore.

一波未平，一波又起

Im having the worst migraine ever, my head is exploding and im hyperventilating. Im so tired, I think im not strong enough. I dont want this anymore, i just wan to be happy=(

But yes, why should i allow others to be my source of misery?

Truth

I have yet to figure out how to be completely happy, because I'm not. I guess, in time I will be happy, but right now, it's really hard to deal with what I have to try to deal with.

Maybe its about taking chances and overcoming my fear, my selfishness. Or maybe its about make a decision and jump, and not regret it.

So, that’s the dream I’m working on.

Interesting.

Badminton Coach: What happened?! Chase after guys and sprain ankle arh?
Jess: Nope, guys chased after me and i sprained ankle.
Badminton Coach: Good answer!

HAHAHAHA.

Undo them all.

Like little fool stop ending every note you've once written;
undoing all the love i've ever had for you.

because all that sweet talk doesnt workmake sense now.

You might think I'm stupid, but I'm not dumb.
I just play it cool because that's how you need it to be.
-Jessamine Then

Goodbye my lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

i dont exactly like the song. my i love the lyrics=)

You're just not good enough.

Joy may be fleeting, but doubt and self-loathing are lifelong companions.

tired.

Healing

In the past years, I have tried to do everything to forget him. Booze and cigarettes became my best friends. I thought I was getting better and stronger, but everytime i came upon news on him, I kind of fell apart all over again. And then I found work, which kept me sane, kept me from having thinking too much.

2010, im glad and proud to say, im healing. Yes it took me almost two years to get over it. But im almost there. Never thought i could make it so far.

Bkk trip was off the hook!!

Amazing food, cheap shopping and lovely company. Needless to say, i had a blast.

And now its back to reality, back to work back to where it all started.

Happy new year to all lovlies

Since I have been really hard working in 2009(fyi I got a promotion!), i decided to reward myself with 2 awesome presents .

1.)bangkok trip with the awesome ladies.
2.)a new mobile phone.

Nope. I got neither blackberry nor iphone. I got a e71 (at a really awesome price!!!!). And its new, so why not?

Btw I'm blogging via the mobile now:)maybe its time I get a twitter account.

Pardon me for the lack of entries

Things have been so hectic this year that I have hardly had time to blog.

However despite the credit crunch I must say that i have the best year ever!